


Camp I-Don't-Ship-Max-and-Dipper-But-I'm-Doing-It-for-a-Friend

by stale_ale



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series), Gravity Falls, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: :'(, A camp of isolation, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bad Jokes, Bill Cipher Being Bill Cipher, Boring, Boys Kissing, Crack, Crack Overdose, Crack Overload, Cuddling & Snuggling, Decrease in Crack, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Dipper's the Queen, Dream Demon Headcanon, F/F, F/M, Fifty Shapes of Grey, Gay Male Character, Gay Romance, Girl saving Boy, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I needed some crack in my life ok, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mabel Pines Being Mabel Pines, Mabel is a badass, Mabel is nowhere 2 bee seen, Made from an RP, Max almost dies, Max is a badass, Max is eleven years old bc this fic is set one year after both season one and two of CC, Nikki is a badass too it seems, No Underage Sex, Praise Kink, Romance, Slice of Life, Triangle Bill Cipher, Triggers, Underage Kissing, Unrequited Crush, Werewolf Hunters, What Was I Thinking?, and it looks like, forget the fact that the camp was most likely shut down, from a werewolf, i think, if you can even call it that, implied necromancy, just awkward in general, kind of, oof, racist jokes, slight crack, that he didn't, who are legit little girls, wot - Freeform, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stale_ale/pseuds/stale_ale
Summary: Dipper and Mabel both go to a camp in the middle of nowhere and have wacky adventures.





	1. A Rather Boring Beginning of a Rather Boring Fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

> Special credits go to the following,  
> zero_kun : For being in the roleplay in the first place, and encouraging me to waste my time editing the original text and writing more of it  
> Froggiestarrock: For the fanfic they made that we ruined with our RP  
> Impmon: For their asexuality and participation in the RP  
> Cactus_King: For playing the role of David and Mabel, because no one else would (actually, most likely just because they wanted to)
> 
> Go check out their fics, if you want, I mean. Annnnd, just so you know, I roleplayed as Bill, Impmon roleplayed as Max, zero_kun roleplayed as Dipper, and if you have efficient reading abilities, I don't think I need to explain who Cactus_King roleplayed as.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy reading the edited version of the RP, and I hope you have a gr8 day.

"Did anyone ever tell you that your sea green eyes are pretty?" Dipper looked at Max, blushing. 

"What are you? Gay?" Max scoffed, but shifted his eyes away as his cheeks were tinted a pale pink, almost unnoticeable if you weren't looking for it.

"Uh, I was just thinking about how it's a cool, rare genetic trait, like how my Grunkle Ford has six fingers." Dipper stutters, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Trying to avoid the question he'd been asking himself.

"Six fingers? How in the hell did that happen?" Max looked back towards Dipper, his scowl prominent, but his eyes set into a confused squint.

"BWAAAP! Mabel here!" Mabel jumped in from God knows where, looking as glittery and upbeat as ever. "The answer to your question would be a nonsense load of SCIENCE AND GENETICS!" She laughed. "And Dipper may be gay, but he can't be gayer than ME!" Mabel then proceeded to cough up a barrage of brightly colored feathers. 

"Mabel!" Dipper yelled, voice cracking, throwing his arms up. "At least I'm not the gayest twin." He commented, pouting and forgetting Max was even there.

Max put his hands up, a little surprised at this 'Mabel' girl's sudden appearance. "Holy shit, you're like concentrated rainbows." 

He looked her up and down, making note of her colorful sweater. "You and David would get along nicely- Hang on," Max backtracks. "You actually ARE gay!?" He turned to Dipper.

Dipper's cheeks turned a hue of scarlet. "I... I don't know, maybe." Dipper admitted, putting his face in his hands and elbows on his lap, embarrassed by Mabel's actions. 

Max felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't mean to out a guy.  
"Uh..." He patted Dipper on the back. "Nah, it's cool, dude. It's not like you can help it or anything..."  
He pulled his arm back and looked around to make sure none of the other campers saw what happened. 

"OoOOOooOOOOOh, Dipper's got a boyfriiiienennnddddddd!" Mabel taunted from a few feet away where she had managed to capture the camp platypus in a grip that rivaled the strength of steel. 

Dipper groaned and ignored her, buring his face deeper into his hands, hoping Max's reaction to the insinuation wasn't negative.

Max suppressed a blush and stood up, he was younger and shorter than Mabel, but that didn't stop him from glowering at her.  
"You better watch what you fucking say around here. Accusations like that could get you hurt. Do you understand me? Say something like that to Nurf and he'll stab you, say it to Ered and you'll have half the boys here shoving your face into the mud. Mind your own fucking business." 

Mabel stared at Max, astonished, but then she looked away in shame.

She mumbled an apology and sat down, pulling her legs closer to her chest, absentmindedly stroking the fur on the platypus's head. (Max, look at what you have done, you inconsiderate fool)

"Woah, dude, chill out, that's my sister." Dipper stated, turning around to confront Max. "I know she can be a bit... over the top, but you're getting really defensive." 

"Hey, if you want your own sister to get stabbed, and I'm not joking, Nurf has actually stabbed people here, then by all means, let her continue! Otherwise you might want to step in!" Max snapped, but when he saw the hurt expression on Dipper's face, he sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry. Just be more careful."

"Yeah. Mabel, you should tone it down a bit; since we're new here." Dipper said, trying to keep the peace. 'Huh?... Max does care...' Dipper thought, giving a little smile. Max nodded and sat back down.  
He felt a little bad about his outburst, but he didn't know why. Why should he care about insulting these complete strangers that only just got dumped here? 

-Time Skip To The Mess Hall-

Dipper tossed his leftovers from lunch away, and approached the table Max was sitting at. 

"Hey, Max, do you want to, I don't know, show me around the camp?"

Dipper asked, wanting to get to know this green eyed, caramel skinned boy a bit more.

Max wrinkled his face. "There's not much to see." Max replied, staring at Dipper, wondering why he'd want to have him give a tour of the little hellhole that they were in.

"Well, there has to be somewhere here that's mildly interesting." Dipper reasoned, very much wanting an excuse to be close to Max.

Max sighed, "There's a lake, if you wanna go there."

Dipper's face brightened a little, before saying, "Let's go there then." 

Max agreed, even though he really didn't feel like it. 

They bade farewell to Mabel, who was currently stuffing her face with the shitty food served in the Mess Hall, and left together.


	2. Not Skinny Dipping, But Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper takes a dip in the lake. I really can't surmise this chapter better than that. Oh, wait, Dipper also saves Max's life, but oh well.

"Woah, this lake is huge! I wonder if there's a lake monster in there like the one I was at last summer?" Dipper said to particularly nobody, forgetting the fact that the lake monster that used to be back in Gravity Falls was literally just a machine built by McGucket to get attention from other people, before an awkward silence ensued.

"Wait, didn't you say that the other campers were here?" Dipper questioned and thought out loud, starting to take off his clothes for a swim, as well as ignoring the fact Max said nothing of the sort.

Max scanned the water. "I thought they were? Maybe they went into the forest or something." Max said, low-key referencing WWII.

"Aren't you going to get in?" Dipper asked, watching Max with curious eyes.

Max made eye contact with Dipper and saw how hopeful he was. "You know what? Yeah (boiiiiiiii)." Max didn't know why he said an extra sentence that was pointless, didn't make any sense, and needed to be cut out, the author of this fic has enough shit to deal with anyway.

Stripping to his white briefs, Dipper tests the water, sticking a toe in. "Okay, but I didn't bring trunks, I didn't think I'd need them for science camp." The water was a tad brisk, but it was very nice under the hot summer sun. "Aren't you hot in that hoodie?" Dipper asked, altering the subject slightly, along with the space time continuum.

Max looked away, (blushi-) uncomfortable. "Uh- nope. Even if I was, I have to keep it on. Underneath is the Camp Campbell shirt that all the campers wear, and I'm not going to voluntarily wear that uncovered." 'Is he really doing that? He can't be doing that. Is this normal for kids in Ohio? Or was it Oregon?' Max thought.

"You wouldn't be seen in the camp shirt if you swam in just your boxers. What? Haven't you ever swam in your underwear before?" Dipper asked, jumping in the lake, splashing Max in the process. "Come on in, the water's fine."

Max flinched when the water hit him.

"I don't do a lot of swimming. Especially not without trunks. You have fun, this is probably the only chance you'll get to swim before David gives you a complimentary swimsuit that's twenty years old. Maybe you'll find a, what did you say? A sea monster? I wouldn't even be surprised." Max said, and Dipper smirked.

"Aw, come on, it's no fun swimming alone... what? Can't you swim? Or are you just a pussy?" He teased, treading water. Dipper had learned some new vocabulary over the year he was away from Gravity Falls.

Max paused. Where he came from, a pussy is the worst thing you could possibly be.

"Fine, let me go grab my swimming trunks first. I'll be back in like, five minutes."

Dipper cocked a proud smile, his plan worked. He'd finally see what was under the hoodie of mystery.

Max changed into his trunks quickly, then jogged back to the lake.

"Okay. I'm here. I don't like swimming, so I'm not going to go in too deep, okay?"

Dipper moved closer to shore, tired of treading water while he waited. He stared at Max for a little bit, not to be creepy or anything, just to casually check him out. Max didn't really have much going for him physique wise, but Dipper still found his mocha chest cute.

"Well, come on!" He shouted to an obviously hesitant Max.

Max hesitated for a second, before shaking his head and stepping into the water. He walked in up to his waist and sighed. "Alright. You happy now?"

Max had a few questions for himself. 'Why am I doing this? Why am I risking humiliation? Why am I being so nice to him?' But he didn't have any answers.

"Finally, geez." Dipper commented, and splashed Max in the face.

The two splashed and played, however, unbeknownst to them with their roughhousing, they drifted into deeper water. (ooh spoopy I'm on the edge of mah seat)

Dipper watched as Max started to struggle but he figured he was just messing with him.

A cold fear ran through Max as he realized he couldn't feel the ground anymore. He kicked and splashed, trying to get back into the shallow water, but he couldn't stop himself from being weighed down.

Dipper paused for a moment, waiting for Max to come back up from sinking beneath the surface.

A few seconds went by, then ten, then twenty seconds, and with growing concern Dipper realized. "Shit, he really can't swim." Dipper uttered, before quickly diving under water. He found Max at the bottom of the six foot deep portion of the lake. Dipper grabbed Max by the arm, dragged him to the surface, and then dragged him to the coarse, sandy shore. "He's not breathing." Dipper assesses, beginning to do CPR on the unconscious eleven year old boy.

Max said nothing.

Dipper started to do chest compression as well as mouth to mouth, trying frantically. "Damn it... Max, don't die on me, we've only just met, and I really, really like you."

Max awakened, before coughing up some bile-inducing slime, turning Dipper off immediately.

Dipper relinquished his lips from Max's when he began to cough and gasp. Dipper sat next to him on the shore, letting him breathe.

"Ho-ho-holy fuck, I almost saw Great Saint Nick." Max coughed, "Not as great in practice as it is in theory." He laughed weakly, but was interrupted by another coughing fit. "I-I owe you, man." Max struggled to catch his breath.

"Max, you could have just told me you can't swim, also, I'm surprised you're not complaining about the whole mouth to mouth thing." Dipper said, in his underwear, sitting next to Max on the shore, as the tiny lake waves broke at their feet. (wow such description)

"Complain about it?" Max looked at Dipper incredulously. "You just saved my worthless life, why would I complain? And about the swimming thing... I've got a reputation around here, okay? I can't be the guy who can't swim here, and I absolutely can't be the guy who had to be resuscitated by another boy. I'm really sorry, but this can't get around." Max made eye contact, and hoped Dipper wouldn't take it personally.

"Don't worry, I can keep a secret. How about as a show of good faith, and so you don't munder me for honor, I'll tell you a secret only my sister knows." Dipper offers, opting not to bring up basically kissing Max. "But, you do definitely owe me one." Dipper laughed, giving Max a light punch on the shoulder.

"Hey!" Dipper suddenly came up with an idea, completely forgetting about telling his probably unblackmailable secret to Max. "I can teach you how to swim in secret if you want."

Max waved his hands in front of him. "No! No, that's okay. I'm okay with not knowing. I'll just avoid water for the rest of my life. Also, I don't take well to authority figures, so if you start teaching me, I may start to see you as one, and then I'll hate you."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you... I... I just wanted to see more of you and spend more time with you, uh... I should probably put my clothes back on." Dipper started to feel awkward and embarrassed. His sad, sad attempts at romantic advances were seemingly falling short.

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. No one gives a shit.

After Dipper had put his over-garments on, he felt a bit better, even though he was still cold and wet. They started walking back to camp, after Max had put his clothes back on as well, because if he had walked back with Dipper half-naked, who knows how many times he would get stabbed by Nurf, becuase I have a headcanon that Nurf doesn't like gay people because of his failed relationship with Chris.

oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, done with that. Thank God. Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. Also, tell me if I did anything wrong. Literature-quality wise, not morally.


	3. OH, BANANA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CraCK is LOve, cRack is LIfE
> 
> (Skip if you want to avoid never seeing smut the same way again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lotsa spaghetti (aka crack) ahead.

Max looked over to Dipper as they were walking back to camp, and noticed that Dipper was shivering. He sighed, and took his hoodie off. "Here," Max thrust the hoodie into Dipper's hands. "You're cold and wet. Put this on."

Not wanting to disrespect Max's kind, even sweet gesture, he slipped the blue hoodie on, even though it looked like shit. Surprisingly, it fit, sure, it was a little small, but it fit. (That's what she said) The bottom of it just barely made it to Dipper's clothed navel. "Thanks, Max." Dipper said, casually ripping his pants off so that he could present Max with his massive boyhood. 

Now just in Max's hoodie and his wet briefs, Dipper thought, 'Hopefully, Max doesn't notice that they are almost see through.' Even though he had took his pants off and threw them into a inter-dimensional washing machine just so his senpai, Max-kun, could notice his leaking erection.

"Max, do those trunks have a pocket? Because it looks like there's a banana in it." Dipper teasingly pointed to his boner. (Whose boner? Great Dipper, you were so desperate for attention that you just had to point to your dick. Nice going m8)

Max made direct eye contact, while he was thinking, 'You little piece of fucking shit, I will not in any way shape or form tag along with your faggotry. If you drag me into some sort of homosexual relationship, I will destroy you and the ones you love, you miserable fa-'  
But, shutting his slightly questionable thoughts out, with a completely straight face he reached into his swimming trunks' pocket, and pulled out a banana. "Why, yes, of course I do. What else would it be? I'm eleven years old, I get hungry."

You're not really going to eat a soggy banana, are you? Wait, you're eleven? I thought you were just a short fourteen year old, judging by your language and maturity." Dipper said and asked at the same time.

Max ate the soggy banana, completely ignoring Dipper for the time being, making Dipper wish that the soggy banana was his banana for a second.

"Whelp, what do you want to do now?" Dipper inquired, stretching his arms above his head.

"Well, firstly, I'm NOT short!" Max said, confidently. "Secondly, I don't want to do anything. So, what do you wanna do?

'You' Was Dipper's first thought, hormones were clouding his judgment, but he couldn't be so blunt. "Well, I'm going to put my pants back on." Dipper informed, shoving one leg, and then another into his pants, which had just then came out fresh and clean from the inter-dimensional washing machine, smelling like lavender. 

Max gave Dipper a funny look, but didn't press. (Yeah, it'd be a tad strange to press someone's pants while said someone had them on their body.)  
"Actually, and it's going to kill me to do this, like I may actually kill myself, but we should probably go see David," Max visibly shuddered. "I almost died, and he'll probably wanna make sure that I'm not going to die later. Dry-drowning. It's when your lungs fill up with water after you pass out from inhaling too much water." Max scrunched up his face in disgust after, displaying how much he really didn't want to go see David.

"Do we have to? David seems like an adult man child version of my sister." Dipper sighed. "Also, I know, I was a life guard last summer." Dipper said, even though he didn't learn anything about saving people's lives when he was 'working' as a life guard, as he only took the job to get closer to Wendy. (but alas, he had failed)

"He is EXACTLY an adult guy version of your sister, but I don't want to die here and have this be the last place I see. You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I should probably go." Max wondered what David would say when he saw Dipper wearing Max's sweater. Probably something about making a new friend or some random bullshit like that idfk.

"Well, I should probably come with you, I wouldn't want you dry drowning on the way there." Dipper reasoned, thinking about dank memes all the while.

Max smiled a little, for what felt like the first time in ages, and began walking to his inevitable doom, with Dipper at his side, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just being fucking silly when I edited this chapter.... sorry.  
> But hey, I kept the see through underwear part at least.
> 
> Um... Anyways...  
> [insert persuasive line to make you leave kudos here]


	4. Hiccups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David's drunk af and Dipper and Max are about to get it on. Meaybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter titles have gone to shit.

The two walked back to camp side by side, and Max decided to make awkward conversation. "So... how many conversations have you had with David so far?" Max asked.

"Not too many, why?" Dipper replied, starting to match Max's stride, to purposefully have his hand swing dangerously close to Max's.

"He might have some things to say about me. He's probably going to get overexcited that you want to be in the same vicinity as me. I'm not exactly known for being a friendly guy, I have a reputation. Just... if he starts jumping around and yelling about you being my friend, don't take it personally."

"Do you not have any friends here?" Dipper asked, stopping for a second, and then kept going.

"No. I have two, but that's it." (same tho)

When he saw the pair approaching, David jumped up abruptly, energized from his recent beverage. "WEll, hello, mah baby- I mean, campers!!!!!! Oh, HI Dipper1!11!!!1! YOu getting used to cAmp, budDy?" David noticed the sweatshirt Dipper was wearing, and the close proximity the two boys were standing at. "I see you've made a BRAND-NEW friend, that's grEat!" David exclaimed, clasping his hands together, and acting suspiciously like more of a drunk Daniel than a drunk David. "Oh, Max, that was so sweet of yOu to let him wear your sweatshirt, just like that one song." David hiccuped at the end of his sentence. 

"What if bros are actually hoes?" Dipper questioned the world for little to no reason.

"Shut the fuck up, David, that song is dead." Max said, ignoring Dipper's deep as all hell question, sunglasses suddenly appearing on his face. "I'm only here because I almost drowned, and Dipper thinks I should be checked."  
Max gave Dipper a 'just go with it' look.

"Oh! Um... yeah, his lips still look a little blue." Dipper said, knowing that he was never a good lier and that what he said was not needed, just like the thing he said three paragraphs ago. "I hope you're okay, Max."

Max made a 'hmph' sound. David was watching, and Max wasn't about to start being nice in front of him. "Suck a dick, David." Max flipped him off, and turned to walk away, a foghorn erupting as he finished his insult.

"Now, Max, let's try to use appropriate language, plz." David's smile was strained as he used today's modern lingo, "We have a new camper here," A hiccup. "and you need to play nice. Now, according to logic and reason," Another hiccup. "you should try to get to a warm place if you feel under the weather from dry-drowning." Dipper simply nodded and walked away with Max.

Dipper followed Max. Their destination was unknown to him, but he didn't care. As long as he was with the guy of his dreams, everything would be all right. (Where the fuck did that come from?) 

Dipper attempted picking up were they left off. "You know, most of the time, all I have is my sister to talk to, at least you have two people who aren't related to you." 

Max glanced at Dipper. "Yeah, I guess. But you have at least a few friends, right?"

"I do, it's just that they're in Piedmont, California or in Gravity Falls." Dipper looks down, depression kicking into his system, before he reminded himself of his situation. "Where we going, anyway?" Dipper asked.

Max shrugged. "I have no idea. I just want to get away from David." Max crinkled his face. "You know, I thought he'd be more concerned. He's always acting like he cares about our well-being, and for a minute there, I believed him. I guess this stupid camp is rubbing off on me." He sighed.

"Well... he did tell us to go somewhere warm. Don't worry, Max. I'm sure your reputation is untarnished, I mean, I still think pretty highly of you." Dipper admitted, blushing, and rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Max hesitated, then gave Dipper a small smile. "Thanks, dude. From here on out, you can say you officially have one non-related friend here."

Dipper smiled, and then looked back at the ground.  
Max paused to think. "Somewhere warm? This whole fucking camp is warm, it's the middle of fucking summer, and there's no air conditioning. I have no idea where we could go to be warmer."

"Yes, well, David's a little drunk right now apparently."  
Meanwhile, in David's POV  
I walked up to Gwen's office, determined to confess my deep feelings for her, before my anxiety kicked in. What if she doesn't accept my feelings for her?  
I grabbed the soda bottle that was stuffed in my khakis' right pocket, and took a swig. It was delicious, it was the best soda I've had ever since I was 9 years old, the time I loved Shrek so much. I (had all the merchandise and the movies) decided that I wanted to know what kind it was so I could buy more at WalMart or something. 'Jack Daniel's' The label read. "HmmmmmmmmmMmmmmm.... Okay!" I said, before stuffing it back into my pocket, and walking into Gwen's office.   
Gwen was lying down on her bed, her beautiful features showing as she was reading one of her many magazines. My breathing hitched in my throat as she looked up at me. "David," Her facial features turned into a questioning expression, "why are you in my office?"  
'Alright, David, this is it, release your devilishly handsome charms.' I thought. A smirk placed itself upon my kawaii face, before I expressed my love for her.  
But, as you could imagine, it went horribly wrong.   
I threw up.  
"BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"OH MY GOD!!!!!!" Gwen screamed in absolute terror, trying to protect her (porn) magazine from getting any barf on it.  
And then I passed out.  
But NoBodY cAREs.  
Back to Dipper and Max, in the 3rd person, of course.  
His heart swelled with joy, Dipper was about to cry; friends weren't easy to come by for him. "Oh, and by the way, thanks, it means a lot that you want to be my friend."

Max smiled softly.

"It doesn't look like it's going to be warm for long." Dipper surmised, due to the sun being close to setting.

"Hmm.." Max squinted at the sun that was edging towards the horizon. "You may be right. I guess the world just wants me to die, huh?"

"Not if I can help it." Dipper quickly muttered under his breath. Max raised an eyebrow at Dipper's action, before Dipper made up a lame excuse. "I'm okay, just dust, So, uh... do you have any crushes? I had one, but she shot me down, Ered reminds me of her, actually." Dipper reminisced, making conversation.

Max thought for a second. Crushes are people who make you feel good, you want to be around them, and they make you smile. Max never had anybody like that before, except maybe...  
He looked at Dipper.  
"I-I dunno for sure. Maybe? I'm confused, I'm still just a kid, nothing makes sense." Max said awkwardly. "How about you?"

"You want to find out, for sure? Dipper asks, turning away, embarrassed, blushing at Max's question.

Max shrugged, "It's kinda the point of asking, you know." But for some reason he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to know. He almost felt scared.  
Dipper decided to drop the conversation entirely, because he was starting to bcum h0rny.

"Well we can kiss, this time while you're conscious, most people will know from that, it's just like something in your gut, we can go somewhere more private, no one will know. It'll be our secret, pinkie swear." Dipper offered, the childish way of promising things inspiring him, even though long ago, if you broke a pinkie promise, you'd have to remove said pinkie. (The moar y0u kno) He extended his hand, pinkie raised.

Max froze. He turned to Dipper, and looked away from him, to his outstretched finger, and then back up to him.  
He slowly raised his hand, and wrapped his finger around Dipper's. Dipper smiled evilly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wall of text deal with David's POV, the archive won't let me fix it, so you're just going to have to deal with it.


	5. I Kissed a Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper and Max finally... (almost) makeout?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ?????????????

Dipper wiped the evil smile off his face, the only reason he smiled was because he got Max to agree to satisfy his curiosity, and also because if he didn't, he would look like a mass murderer ready to stab his target. 

"Where..." A cough. "... would you like to go?" Dipper asked nervously, starting to sweat. Max looked around, and saw nobody.   
"Here's good."

Dipper placed his hand on Max's shoulder, and leant down a bit, their faces centimeters away from each other. His heart began to race.

Max rolled his eyes at Dipper's hesitation, and closed the gap, pressing his lips on Dipper's. 

A feeling erupted in his gut that made all of the bullshit in life feel a little better, even if it was only for a few seconds.

Neither one of them wanted it to end, but Dipper needed air. Breaking the kiss, he inhaled a large amount of oxygen. After a few moments, Dipper asked, "So, what'd you think?" Dipper maintained his proximity to Max, and moved his hand down to Max's side.

"Hmm, I think..." Max paused, teasingly. Then smiled. "That I was right."

Emboldened by his answer, Dipper smirked and moved his hand from Max's side, down to his ass, pulling him in close, and looking deep into his sea foam orbs. "Want to do it again?" Dipper asked. 

Max shifted Dipper's hand to his back. "Sure."

The two started their first make out session, it was sloppy, but wonderful. Dipper started to gently bite at Max's bottom lip, things were getting heated. 

"Hold on," Max pulled away, "Maybe we shouldn't right now, It's getting late, and people will be heading back to their tents soon."

"That reminds me... David said when I first got here, I'd be sharing a tent with you." Dipper stated, remembering the original reason why he tried to befriend Max to begin with. 

"Oh, have you met Neil yet? He sleeps in the same tent as us. He's in science camp too." Max asked.

"Jewish guy with a brown weirdass afro? Yeah, just in passing though. He's kinda cute. I'm not nearly as outgoing as my sister, she probably has made friends with everyone here, possibly even with the other camps across the lake I read about in the brochure by now." Dipper said, as they walked to their tent.

They entered the tent, and two lonely cots were set before them. "Man, this place is a dump, looks like resources are spread really thin, I guess I'm sleeping on the ground." Dipper commented, changing into his PJs, and balled up Max's hoodie, intending to use it as a pillow, absent-mindedly forgetting it wasn't his.

"Get off the ground, you can sleep in my bed. Just face the other way, so Neil doesn't think something's up." Max pointed to the cot on the right.

Rising to his feet, Dipper asked, "Are you sure? They're small, a tight fit for one, let alone two people. Are you going to sleep in your damp trunks?" 

"Oh, right. I should change." Max picked up his duffel bag, pulled out a pair of pants, and the yellow Camp Campbell t-shirt. "Get out for a second."

"Okay... but it's not like I haven't seen anything you don't have, we're both male anatomically." Dipper pointed out, beginning to walk out, respecting Max's wishes, no matter how much he wanted to stay just to catch a glimpse.

Max rolled his eyes at Dipper's comment, and changed quickly. When he finished, he gave the okay for Dipper to come back in.

"So," Max started, "Neil is my friend, but he doesn't know much about me, so don't be put off if I'm a bit... tense."

"If he's your friend, why should you be tense? If anything, I'm the one who should be tense." Dipper said, taking a seat on the left side of the cot.

"Will he call you gay if we sleep in the same cot? Don't worry, if he believes in logic and reason, I got this." Dipper smiled at Max reassuringly.

"Thanks, but it's not exactly that. I mean, I'm pretty sure Neil wouldn't give a shit if we were gay, but how I'm acting now, how I'm speaking, this isn't me. This is a whole new version of me that I didn't know existed... until I met you. I'm usually a complete fucking asshole. My only goal at this camp is to ruin David's life, and to cause as much harm as I can to reach that goal." Max sighed. "That's the kind of person I am, and you don't want to get involved with an asshole."

"Maybe I bring out the best in you." Dipper gave Max a tender smile. "You know, I don't think you're an asshole, I believe people can change... in little ways." Dipper took a pause, and continued. "I don't see anything wrong with being cynical, pessimistic, or jaded. I like you for you the good and the bad."

Max blushed a light pink, muttering a 'thanks', then Dipper said, "We should get to bed, it's late."

Max smiled weakly and nodded, and gestured for Dipper to take the inside end.

Dipper did as Max suggested.

Max lied down and threw an arm over his eyes, in an attempt to block out any light.

Dipper fell asleep next to Max after a while. 

Max lied there, listening to Dipper breathe, and wondered what in his shitty life he did something to deserve to meet Dipper. 

Dipper tossed a bit in his sleep, cuddling Max. Max tensed up, unused to positive physical contact, and unsure of what to do, eased Dipper's arms off of him.

Neil quietly slunk in through the tent flap, trying to make as little noise as possible, so he didn't wake up Max, or worse, alert the counselors. As Neil looked to Max's cot, he was startled to see Max sharing his bed with someone else, even cuddling with them, but Neil decided he would question them until the morning, and crawled into his own cot after getting undressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, in the next chapter, things get (even less) interesting.


	6. Eye am a Pervert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill Cipher appears!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in Pepperonis chapter titles

Bill Cipher watched the two kids in the bed together, because obviously Bill's some kind of fucking pervert. Anyways, somehow he fused back together, even after Weirdmageddon. It was so cute how everyone thought that he was finished, he was immortal, after all. And the reason he was back to watching Dipper was because he was planning to once again wreak havoc onto Dipper's dimension, because, you know, being an all-powerful triangular shaped demon gets just a little bit boring after a 10 month period.  
"Just you wait, Pine Tree, soon, VERY soon, your dimension will be utterly destroyed. Along with that precious carmel ass that you desire so openly." He then broke into rather ear-piercing laughter, shattering a nearby vase in the process.

Back to Dipper and Max  
Dipper woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. "Bill!" He uttered, breathing heavily. "Just a nightmare... probably." He then promply went back to sleep, delving into a wet dream about Uncle Hayseed.

Dipper awoke with heavy bags under his eyes, unable to have attained restful sleep because of being awakened by his nightmare of Bill.

Max stirred awake, due to Dipper's shuffling.  
"Hey... are you okay?" He asked, his voice groggy. 

A muffled 'no' came from Dipper's pillow.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I had a nightmare of a supernatural dream demon." Dipper elaborates, sitting up.

"Are... are you going to be okay?" Max asked, concerned for once.

"I don't know. If he's back, we all are in grave danger. But that's impossible... we erased him last summer." Dipper explains further, clearly disturbed.

"If...if who's back?" Max asked, confused. He felt like this ran deeper than half asleep ramblings.

"Bill Cipher." Dipper replies, venom drips from his voice, angrily balling up his fist, remembering all the things the triangular demon did to him and his family in the past.

"He's a very powerful dream demon. He had stolen my body, imprisoned my family, and attempted to take over the universe. But we killed him... he can't be back... can he?" Dipper muttered under his breath after a long winded explanation.  
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Max asks, pondering Dipper's sanity levels.

"Mabel and I had one hell of a summer last year."

"Uh... wow?" Max was at a loss for words. What was Dipper even taking about?

"I'm not crazy." Dipper quickly replies, one eye twitching.

"Riiight." Max joked. "A demon terrorized your family is what you're telling me?"

"Yeah...." Dipper sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That's pretty fucked up. Dude sounds like an asshole." Max says, trying his best to comfort his soon-to-be soul mate.

 

:Bill:

Bill chuckled softly as he looked at both boys talking on his plasma TV that was somehow hooked up to various dimensions. Dipper was sure being stupid for someone who was supposedly smart. Of course he was still alive, he refused to be beaten by Dipper's lame excuse for an uncle.  
You see, that's the beauty of Dream Demons, they aren't able to be killed by mortals like Stanley Pines, but, Bill decided to leave the couple to themselves, after all, he had lots of planning to do in order to completely destroy the dimension that Dipper and Max were in.  
[A/N: Dunno where I got that Dream Demon logic, but frankly, I'm trying to be somewhat sensible, because just being like, "Oh, well, Bill just somehow resurrected himself and I can't make up a scenario or a somewhat logical reason as to why he's back" just pisses me off.]  
"Oh, wow, would you look at the time! I'm late for my afternoon tea cups of tears! Better put my scheme involving utter destruction of Dimension (insert number of dimension Max and Dipper were in here) to a screeching halt. At least.. for a whole afternoon." Bill said, immediately breaking into a fit of rather pointless evil laughter, and then floating away to his tea table, taking a teacup full of the tears of unicorn tears and drinking it, because unicorn tears are a deliacy where Bill comes from. Dipper and Maxwell

"Anyways, I'm in need of food, let's go consume the first meal in a 24-hour time limit." Dipper's stomach growled audibly, and he promptly gave it a wack for disobeying its master. (wtf)

"Okay." Max glanced over to Neil's cot. A lump of messed up blankets proved that he had come in late.  
Dipper felt himself blush a little at the prospect of Neil figuring anything out. He rubbed his face with his hands.

After getting dressed and all that boring shit, they walked out of the tent.

"There isn't much option here for breakfast; coffee and some sort of mush. If we bump into your sister, you can invite her over to Nikki, Neil, and I's usual table if you want."

"Thanks. I'll let her know." Dipper stretched and cracked his back. "I doubt they have it, but are you a bacon or sausage guy?" Dipper asked, making small talk on their way to the mess hall.

"Definitely sausage, bacon is 2American4me, you?" 

"Bet you like that meat in your mouth." Dipper muttered under his breath. "Sausage too! All gross and lumpy." (Why must I make everything crack?)

They walked in the doors to the Mess Hall, and Max led Dipper through the crowd to Max's table.  
"But personally, I don't really eat breakfast. A cup of coffee is good enough for me."

"Oh, you like it black too, huh?" (Yep, he likes 'it' black. Looks like you're out of luck, Dipper.) Dipper took a pause to sip the black, bitter liquid, spruced up with plenty of cream and sugar, of course. "Are those supposed to be eggs?" Dipper asked aloud, pointing to the amorphous goo.

Max glanced at it breifly. "I think."  
They sat down with Nikki and Neil.

Mabel soon found her way to them, and took a seat next to Nikki. (Hint hint)

Dipper excused himself to the bathroom after a couple minutes of sitting down, realizing he had to poop, also, he was too socially awkward to shit in front of other people, and in the closet and wanting Max bad. He closed the bathroom stall door, pulled out a sharpie, and drew the Cipher wheel, hormones raging, he was out of options.  
"Bill, I have a deal to offer." Dipper stated in a low voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome. And sorry for it taking so long. Life hasn't been very kind lately.


	7. Deal With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper has to deal with them sexy ass angles.  
> oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/20 blaze it turn down fo wat turn that beat up nigga DANK Holocaust jokes
> 
> I need to stop, sorry.

Meanwhile, Max was listening to Nikki rant about how she thought that the new girl was great, not how the new girl was actually right beside her, and how they were going to go werewolf hunting later.  
Max felt Neil staring at him as he drank his coffee, and he was pointedly not looking Neil's way. He'd have questions.  
Max was suddenly aware that some time had passed and Dipper had not returned. He thought about going after him, but that would give Neil a chance to speak to him where Nikki couldn't follow.

In the stinky, old, fucking beat-down bathroom:

"Make Max my lover, I don't care what you want in return, I haven't felt this way since Wendy, I'm desperate." Dipper muttered quietly at the drawing on the bathroom stall door.  
Dipper started to tear up in frustration and ball his fists. He knew what he wanted (the d) but he couldn't get it on his own. He felt stuck, trapped in a corner, with only one way to get what he needed, even if it was making a desperate deal with Bill that would go horribly wrong, but Bill usually does always keep his end of the bargain.

Bill, having been summoned, appeared right before Dipper, pausing time as he did so. "Hmm..." Bill thought aloud, prosessing what Dipper had asked for, and debating whether or not he should make a deal with him. He knew the teenage boy was desperate to have Max as his companion.

"Well... there is ONE thing I want from you, but I'm not entirely sure you'd sacrifice what I want, to only have a relationship with your newly found friend." Bill stared down at Dipper, awaiting his response. "But, you know, I bet you can live without him, and resist your oh-so romantic urges." Bill said, after precisely 1.5 seconds of patiently waiting for Dipper's reply.

Dipper scowled, Bill was just beating around the bush. "What is it? Before I start having second thoughts." Dipper questioned, folding his arms looking at the Dream Demon, straight in the eye. Little did Bill know that this was a well crafted plan to keep tabs on him.

Bill pondered for a moment, wondering if he should be making a deal with the same boy who he dealt with just last summer. He COULD deal with one of his other, ahem, clients. You see, a Dream Demon's second chance at life, if you can call it that, has a drawback. Quite a few, actually. But there's one that Bill dreaded the most. He couldn't attempt to deal with someone from any other dimension than his own that he hasn't previously dealt with without breaking the rules of a Dream Demon's second chance rule, thus being damned forever to the Void. 'No pressure.' Bill thought sarcastically. Sure, there were other people that Bill could deal with, but Dipper intrigued him, plus, it'd be fun to eradicate a dimension with the weaklings he had dealt with in the past.

"Well," he began, floating a little bit closer than he should have to Dipper, and continued, "It requires a little humiliation on your part, but you're used to that I suppose..." Bill finished, eye half-lidded, beginning to propose his deal with the young teenager. 

"I'll be needing you for favors, if you will." Noting the disgusted look on Dipper's face, he continued. "The favors will consist of anything at any time that involves using your body, literally and figuratively. " Bill chuckled softly, "And lastly, you can't mention this deal to ANYONE. Otherwise..." Fake pity placed itself in his eye. "There will be, hmm... unpleasant consequences. But, on the bright side, for you of course, is having a happy relationship with your new best friend."   
"And as long as you do what I command you to do, the deal is still on the rocks and you have a boyfriend." Bill then floated out of Dipper's personal space, and informed Dipper, "And remember, this is a one-time only offer, so I can't just let you think about it. It's deal, or no gay companionship."

Dipper weighed the pros and cons, the very drastic cons, but he knew he couldn't leave Bill to his own devices, and made a more reasonable counter offer.  
"You can have my body, but only at night, I will not tell anyone of the deal. Also, you can't flirt with Max in my body. He has to be the one to initiate physical intimacy with me in my body, not you."  
Dipper knew he needed to keep tabs on Bill for everyone's safety, and if he could get a little action in the process, he wasn't going to complain.  
Dipper surmised Bill should be weak, a shell of his former self, however, still formidable, hopefully him playing hard ball would hopefully make him more believable, as well as hide his true intentions of keeping Bill in check.

"Alright, fair enough." Bill replied, acknowledging that the deal was now a win-win.  
"It's not like I want to 'initiate physical intimcy' with your soon-to-be-boyfriend anyway." Dipper rolled his eyes at Bill's comment.  
"But, just to make sure you understand completely;" Bill began, his eye darkening, "If you tell ANYONE about our deal, anyone at all," A butterfly appeared in Bill's hand as he was continuing his sentence, "your life as you know it," Bill squashed the butterfly in his hand to add extra emphasis, but not without getting insect guts on his hand and a little on his arm, making Dipper's face contort into yet another disgusted expression, "will be squashed like a bug. Understand, Pine Tree?" Dipper nodded, but not without getting slightly annoyed with the over-emphasis on the life-bug squashing.  
"Good, I knew you were smart enough to understand."  
Bill put his right hand to Dipper, sans gross butterfly guts on his hand and arm, and began, "So..." Bill lit his hand with blue flames and his eye was half-lidded, "Do we have a deal?"  
Dipper thought for a moment, it was foolish, he made a deal with Bill that went awful, and he was doing it again, but he was desperate to have Max.

"Deal." Dipper whispered in disgust. Shaking Bill's hand. 

"Good boy, I knew you were smart enough to not pass up such a golden opportunity." Bill praised, he knew that Dipper had something that snapped when he got praised. Dipper pulled his hand away from Bill's, but not without pink stained on his cheeks. "Now, why don't you go and sit down with Max? I'm sure you'll like the results." Dipper nodded, and walked towards the bathroom door, before Bill interrupted, "Wait," Dipper looked back at Bill, waiting for what else he had to say. Bill paused. "Never mind, keep going, I forgot what I was going to say. Anyway, Heil Hitler or some shit." Bill Sieg Heiled, causing Dipper to give a "wat" look at Bill, and then Bill disappeared, back to what Dipper assumed to be Bill's run-down urban house in the middle of Dimension 666 and Dimension 5,318,008.

As Dipper walked out of the bathroom, David went in, and saw the Cipher wheel. DUN DUN DUN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as much crack as usual. Kinda disappointed in myself. Also, happy weed day.


	8. This Mustn't Be True Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper confesses his love for Max, but not without it being in the most dramatic way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in forever, I've been cough cough very busy, and I didn't have the time to sit down and write decent crack-smut-adventure-demonic-unique-action-really-stupid-and-bad books, but now, I have around five minutes of free time, so I'm gonna see what I can do.
> 
> Also, I got more than 20 kudos on my last story, so yay.

Dipper walked back to the table that Neil, Nikki, and Mabel were sitting at, but strangely, Max wasn't there at all. Dipper was confused, and walked up to Neil to ask where Max's location was, because Neil housed all knowledge of all things, even Elder Knowledge, so surely Neil would know the answer to Dipper's unfathomable question.

Dipper cleared his throat next to Neil, getting his unimaginable attention, before inquiring, "Hey, Neil. Do you know where Max is?"

Neil gave Dipper the "bitch please" look, and replied, "Why, of course, I am the grandfather of all knowledge, after all." Neil's voice boomed, and he thrust his chest out in pride, "I happen to indeed know where this individual dwells." Neil paused for dramatic effect, "Go outside, only there will you find your true love."

Dipper bowed, and said, "Thank you for gracing me with your answer, my lord." And casually walked outside. Nikki proceeded to scoot away from Neil.

After going outside, he found Max leaning up against a post, in a fashion that a black guy who just lost his job would. Max turned to Dipper, giving him the ever so infamous butterflies in his tummy. "Oh, hey, Dipper." Max stated, before sipping his cup of coffee.

"Max, my one true love," Dipper started, kneeling before Max, "I have journeyed far and wide to bask in your warm presence, and to seek your hand in a petty boy on boy relationship." Dipper got up from his kneeling stance, realizing that his knee had been soaked in mud.

"So I ask thee, mine one true love, willest thou accompany me in my exploration of adolescent confusion?" Max was seemingly unaffected by Dipper's embarrassing proclaim of deep love for him, but he actually was overjoyed that Dipper went out of his way just to ask if he would be his boyfriend. "Sure, I guess." 

Dipper's face lit up, and he hugged Max ever-so-gently, and kissed his cheek. "I am very grateful," A joyous tear rolled down Dipper's soft boy cheek, and he continued, "that you have chosen me over all others, just because I asked." "No problem, Dipper." Max said kindly, and stroked Dipper's soft brown hair.

Dipper unwrapped his arms from Max and said, "Well, I'mma go change." Max felt relieved.

********************************

After Dipper went and changed into a clean outfit, (which was a legit duplicate of his normal one) he went out of his, Neil's and Max's tent, and back to the Mess Hall, where he made eye contact with David, which was a huge mistake.

David cautiously approached Dipper. "Excuse me, young man, but did you draw that strange drawing that is in the men's bathroom?"

'Oh God,' Dipper thought. "Uh, no, I don't think." 'Dammit, Dipper, why did you say I don't think?!' He thought once more, all the while David was giving him a suspicious look. Which disappeared after precisely two seconds.

"OKIE DOKEY!" David shouted, his Thu'um scaring off nearby hostilities.

Afterwards, David happily skipped into a portal into Oblivion, where he had a legendary battle with a Daedra, which, unknowingly to him, is being written down in a history book as I type this senseless story. (For those of you who don't know what in the hell I'm talking about, just pretend as if he skipped away, never to be seen again.)

Dipper shrugged to himself, and walked quietly back to his little table of mild sanity. Max, Neil, Mabel, and Nikki were all there, and Dipper sat down next to his new boyfriend, who was listening to Neil and Nikki's conversation. 

"For the last time Nikki, there is no such creature as a werewolf!"

Nikki scowled, very displeased with Neil's defiance of supernatural wolves. "Well, me and Mabel are going to prove you dead wrong!" Nikki yelled, causing a scene.

"Yeah, we are! C'mon, Nikki, let's go hunt some werewolves." Mabel said, getting up from the table. "And if we're successful in our endeaver, we will bring back a werewolf head."

Nikki got up as well, and both girls sprinted to the doors, and exited the cheap-ass summer camp cafeteria.

"Oh, God," Neil groaned, "what have I done?" Neil laid his head on the table miserably.

"Neil, I'm 99.9 percent sure that Mabel and Nikki won't find anything but their inevitable deaths if they happen to find a werewolf. So don't worry about them being pests for the rest of the summer here."

"Their deaths are what I'm afraid of, idiot!" Neil snapped, "I'm not going to let them lose their lives over trying to find an animal that is completely fantasy-based!" 

"Woah, chill out, Neil, I was just joking." 

Neil sighed, and apologized to Max, before saying, "It's just... I think I like Mabel..." Max promptly spat out his ever present coffee, then laughed.

Neil blushed furiously, he didn't know why he confessed his crush to Max in the first place. "You and Mabel? You'd have a better chance with Taylor Swift." 

Neil's eyebrows furrowed, and he awkwardly stood up and said, "That's where you're wrong." And he, naturally, left as well.

Max sighed, and put down his coffee. "Come on, we'd better follow him." Dipper sighed, reluctant to get up, but wherever Max was going, he was going to follow him.

The two memes got up from their chairs, and left the Mess Hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet all of you have given up hope on me, and you were undoubtedly right to do so, but whatever. You can (probability of 00.4% chance) expect chapter nein to be out by late Jewne.


	9. Adventuring into the Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. So, it's been a VERY long time since I've done anything with my fanfics. And I'm sorry about that. There's a shit-ton of stuff happening in my life, and internet issues are happening a lot. But I'll do my best trying to get these classified chapters posted.  
> Shitty title, but it should suffice.

Picking up where our heroes left off in their journey through the Viridian Fores- Oh, sorry. Wrong fanfic.

*AHEM*

Picking up where our favorite jackasses left off, we find them in the middle of a poison ivy-infested forest, and they find themselves extemely lost. 

"Where the hell are we?" Max asked Dipper, getting an answer of, 

"I don't know, dearest."

Max smiled slightly, he didn't know what made him like Dipper so suddenly and to the extreme, but at that point, he didn't care. He only cared about Dipper. 

Just as he was leaning in to peck Dipper on his cheek, Neil cut in. "Alright, lovebirds, if you're just going to stand around all day, making goo-goo eyes at each other all day, I don't need your help finding Mabel and Nikki."

"First of all, we are NOT making goo-goo eyes at each other." Dipper started, feeling enraged at Neil. "Secondly, we aren't lovebirds! We JUST started dating!" He finished, glaring at Neil.

"Alright, Jesus fucking Christ..." Neil whispered, turning back to the matter at hand. Speaking of which, his hand had a very itchy rash, which was becoming immensely uncomfortable.

"So, how do you propose we find them, Neil?" Max inquired, getting a grumble in response. 

Neil sighed, and sniffed the air. Turning abruptly to his left, he said, "I'm pretty sure they went this way." Max and Dipper, having nothing else to do, just went along with Neil and his questionable action.

Around an hour of walking through pretty much pure jungle, the trio got completely and utterly lost. 

"Great," Max started, directing his voice at Neil. "we followed you, and now we're completely lost, and we'll probably never even find Nikki and Mabel at this point." 

Neil glared at Max, "It was YOU that followed me, dumbass. I never asked you to tag along." Max sighed, he was right. He and Dipper could have gone back to camp, but instead they followed him into the unknown.

"You're right. But still, why'd you decide to go here anyway?" 

Neil stopped walking abruptly, pondering why he decided to go here too, until they heard a loud scream from around twenty feet beside them. 

"Oh, shit." Max stated, thinking about the various situations that scream could have came from. 

Neil started running towards where the sound came from, leaving Max and Dipper in confusion and terror about what was going around them.

[Switching to Neil's POV]  
I ran through the grassy and poison ivy infested area, determined to find who needed help. I was a coward all the time, and I wanted to change that today. For Mabel. Sure, she just showed up in my life, but I can tell she's an amazing girl, who I hope to marry one day. Wait... 

After I got to the other side, I was surprised, to say the very least, to see Nikki strangling a gargantuan wolf, and Mabel working on clawing out its eyes. 

I backed up in horror, and it noticed me. Somehow struggling out of Nikki's mighty grip, it ran towards me, hunger in its eyes. I was the prey, it was the predator. I shriveled into a little ball and started to pray to God to save me, and it appeared he had heard my plea. Mabel wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground, and snapped its neck with one flick of her hand.

After it was dead, she ran up to me. "Neil, are you okay?" She offered me her hand, I accepted it, and she helped pull me off of the ground.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks to you. I'm sorry I got in the way, me, Max and Dipper- well, maybe only me- were worried about you guys."

"You don't have to worry about us!" Nikki chimed in, grabbing a hidden claymore from the bushes, and sawed the werewolf's head off. My eyes widened from her badassness. "We're fine on our own. And besides... wait a second. You were trying to deceive us into believing werewolves aren't real. So why were you so worried?" Nikki asked, a glare prominent on her face. 

Not wanting to piss Nikki off, I replied, "I just didn't want you to get injured or killed, or even worse, raped, by a werewolf or a swamp social reject." 

Mabel laughed a little, getting the reference I made. "This is a forest though, not a swamp."

"Still."

"Well, we could use your help carrying the werewolf head back to camp." Nikki said, struggling a bit trying to lift it up. 

"Alright." I said in compliance, and absent-mindedly forgot that Dipper and Max were waiting for me on the other side of the vibrant greenery and trees that separated us.

[Switch back to Third Person POV]  
Back in Bill's run-down urban home, he watched as Neil pretended he was helping Nikki and Mabel with carrying the werewolf's head, and ate Cheerios and read Fifty Shapes of Grey at the same time. "Wow, what a pathetic Jew. Back in the 200's, his ancestors were able to carry whole werewolf bodies without help." After a couple minutes of painful jokes from the new trio, he said, "Well, better see what's going on with Dipshit and Maxi-Pad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back, bitches! (JK, you aren't bitches. For the most part.) Anyway, it's been a year since I (posted the last chapter of this) started Ao3, so I can finally say: StaleDoritos, making horrible fanfics since 2016
> 
> Anyway, have a rainbowtastic relationship! I mean, day!


	10. Filler Chapter, as if all the Others Were Not Fillers Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Dipper finally get back to camp.

Bill flipped to the channel that showed both Max and Dipper, and became utterly disappointed. Instead of making out in the poison ivy patches or fucking each other against a tree, they opted to try and find their way back to the campgrounds. 

Bill sighed, and pinched his non-existent nose in annoyance. He decided to watch some Hentai instead of this boring-ass shit.

[Back to Dipper and Max]

Max and Dipper trudged through the deep woods, wondering how many miles Neil had led them away from camp, and finally, after God knows how long they walked, they took a break on a large and soft patch of grass.

"Dipper, are we even going in the right direction?" Max asked, nomming on a sandwich that he had secretly brought with him in his hoodie pocket, because a sandwich plothole is something I'll not allow in any of the fiction that I write.

Dipper sighed, "Yes, Max. I have a very good sense of direction."

"O rly?"

"Yes. We just keep following the sun until we get back to camp- oh."

The sun had finally set. And worse still, that night had a full moon, which obviously meant werewolves were going to be feasting upon Dipper and Max's flesh that night.

Max leered at Dipper. "Now what, genius?" 

Dipper started sniffling, and looked the opposite of Max. 

After a long awkward silence, Max said, "Well, if it's dark, we can't find our way back to camp anyway. Who knows how many wild animals are out here." Dipper looked at Max and smiled softly. "I guess we'll just have to sleep here tonight. Night, Dipper." Max finished, lied down on the grass next to them, and fell asleep.

Dipper suddenly felt anxiety. He remembered his deal with Bill. Max didn't TRULY care about him. Bill just used his magic or whatever to make Max love him. And worse still, he had his part of the deal to uphold.

Dipper shook those thoughts from his head. Surely Bill wouldn't use him in the middle of nowhere? He felt the need to sleep slowly taking him, and went to sleep next to Max. 

Nightmares flooded Dipper's mind that night. Ones about Bill, ones about losing Max, ones about the Undertale fandom, ones about Mabel shoving bottles of glitter down her throat and puking them back out, and hell, even ones of David shitting out rainbows, and just in general defying all logic.

Max woke up to the sun burning his eyes, and looked over to Dipper, who looked like he was having more nightmares. Max's face transformed into a concerned expression, and he gently shook Dipper awake.

"W-what? Oh, Max! Thank God you're okay." Dipper exclaimed, holding Max's waist.

Max blushed, and gently shoved Dipper away. "What happened, Dipper?"

Not noticing that Max blushed at all, Dipper started to explain what happened, only in his nightmare of losing Max, though.

"Well, thank you for caring about me, I guess." Max said awkwardly, before saying, "We should really get back to camp, although I'm undoubtedly sure that nobody gives a shit that we're gone. Except for maybe the counselors."

Dipper nodded in agreement, and they headed west, like stereotypical cowboys do in the movies.

[Two days of walking through forest later...]

Max and Dipper finally made it out of the forest, and were relieved, until they saw Neil getting attention from literally all the girls in the camp. Except for Gwen, Mabel, and Nikki. Nikki was digging a hole in the ground cause she's cool like that. 

"How did a science nerd that nobody liked, turn into..." Max gestured over to Neil, "whatever the hell that is?"

Dipper made a 'I dunno' sound, and they both walked towards Nikki.

"Hey, Nikki." Dipper greeted.

"Oh, hey guys!" Nikki smiled, grateful that Max and Dipper finally showed up, because she didn't really have any other friends.

"What the fuck happened to Neil?" Max asked, annoyed with the turn of events.

Nikki sighed. "I guess I owe you an explanation anyway."

Nikki stopped digging. "You see, Mabel and I were battling a werewolf, and Neil showed up out of nowhere. The werewolf escaped from us and ran over to Neil. Mabel had successfully saved him from getting turned into wolf-chow, and as thanks, Neil helped us carry the werewolf head back to camp. Speaking of which, it's over the sign on the Mess Hall now." She said, pointing to the werewolf head that was tackily taped and glued over the sign on the Mess Hall. "Anyhow, I don't know what had gotten into... eergh... them." 

Ered and Nerris were dangerously close to Neil, who looked very disturbed and uncomfortable.

"Poor guy." Max commented, knowing how much Neil hated being the center of attention, unless it was about science and shit.

Dipper put his hand under his chin in thought. "In my experience, girls never really cared about nerds, no matter how strong or brave of an action they performed. Someone is definitely behind all of this. There has to be something we can do to h-"

Max gave Dipper a look. "I don't want to help Neil. I just want to spend the day relaxing. After all, we trudged through miles of forest just to get back here and it's all Neil's fucking fault." Max stated in an angery fashion, while Nikki watched the unrest take place.

"How is it his fault?" Dipper asked.

Max rolled his eyes. "Do you not get it? We walked with him through that supposedly tiny forest, and he abandoned us in the middle of all of it!"

"Oh." Dipper said in realization. "Well, I'm going to try to find out what's causing Nerris and Ered to act this way towards Neil. You can go back to the tent if you want. I'm pretty sure who's behind this in the first place..." Dipper trailed off, thinking of all the suspects, who turned out to be just one. I'm pretty sure I don't need to tell you who it is.

"Well, have fun. I'm undoubtedly sure that it'll all just lead up to something that's completely unrelated to this story's plot anyway. Bye." Max said, breaking the fourth-wall casually, before leaving.

"You think you really know who is behind this?" Nikki asked, standing up.

Dipper looked at her. "Well, not really. I just said that to impress Max." Dipper lied.

"Oh, well, that's completely understandable." Nikki replied sarcastically.

Dipper felt the need to tell her about Bill, what REAL power did he have anyway? Maybe Max just realized his own feelings for Dipper. But nevertheless, he didn't want to risk the chance of losing Max, so he chose not to tell her, and asked the question my three readers were probably asking themselves.

"Anyway, where's Mabel? I haven't seen her."

Nikki sighed. "She's with the Flower Scouts. Well, not really, but she's helping them out with stuff over there. She's been gone ever since BEFORE Nerris and Ered starting crushing on Neil. Which has been..." Nikki did some simple math in her head. "... about a day and a half now."

"And when will she be back?" Dipper questioned further.

"Probably a week. Maybe less! I sure hope so..." Nikki mumbled the last part to herself. She missed Mabel.

"Well, nice talking to you, Nikki. I'm going to go and try to solve this 'mystery'." Dipper left Nikki to go and question a few people.

Dipper walked over to where Harrison was, which was near the Mess Hall. "Hey, uh... magic kid, was it?" Dipper asked awkwardly.

"Harrison." Harrison corrected, irritation clear in his body language. "Now what do you want? I'm busy practicing my magic tricks." Dipper noticed a dead rabbit hanging out the edge of the dumpster.

Could Harrison be a necromancer? Nah, that only happened in The Elder Scrolls (copyrighted). 

"Um... I actually have a few questions for you."

"Okay, go on."

"First question, why is there a dead rabbit hanging out of the side of the dumpster?"

Harrison's eyes flicked to where the dead rabbit was, then back to Dipper. "Uh... well, if you haven't noticed, this camp is pretty low-budget, so dead animals are to be expected. Especially in dumpsters." 

'Smooth, Harrison.' Dipper thought sarcastically.

"And secondly, are you behind Nerris and Ered chasing after Neil?"

"What?" Harrison began, "Of course not, not even I am talented enough to make that monstrosity happen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have magical business to attend to." Harrison dismissed Dipper, grabbed the rabbit, and walked away to somewhere a little bit more private to revive the dead.

Dipper realized something in horror. No, not the fact that Harrison was trying to revive a dead bunny to carry out his will, but the fact that Bill was probably behind this. But... why didn't whatever Bill do affect Nikki or Gwen?

'Time to go back to the men's bathroom.' Dipper thought, going into the Mess Hall while the abomination known as Ered/Neil/Nerris unfolded. Seriously, that's probably the worst thing to grace the Camp Camp fandom. Other than the random crossovers, the uncanon ships, and of course, the cringeworthy OCs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in so long, even though you guys probs don't care.  
> And sorry about the ship I have created. Dolph/Preston's better than this shit

**Author's Note:**

> Well, sub if you want more. :/
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8405269/chapters/19259275
> 
> There's the link to the work that I RPed on.


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